MCP Final Love Yourself by Victor Aquino

My name is Gianna Soprano but everyone calls me gigi. My life isn’t too interesting, I’m a Freshman at Beacon High School in New York City, I’m Italian American. Both my parents immigrated here in the early 2000’s a couple of years before I was born, so they are nowhere near like the Italians you see on TV (ironic since my last name is the most recognized italian name in history). My dream is to become a Fashion Designer and/or Model. My mother always tells me how beautiful I am and that I need to watch out for all the thirsty boys at school but they never interest me. I’m more of an introvert. I stay to myself and sketch out designs of different articles of clothing in my journal, slowly creating a portfolio so I can make a name for myself in the industry.

High School isn’t like the movies. Yes there are the athletes and the popular girls and the drug addicts and the nerds but they are all mixed together. Jocks get along with nerds, nerds get along with drug addicts, drug addicts get along with popular girls. But I am the odd woman out, I fit into no crowd. I attend school, complete my work and then I go home to work at my fathers deli in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. My little brother Antonio is only 3 years old and I can’t

hang out with him. My birthday was right around the corner November 19th and My father promised me my first phone as soon as I turned 14. The 19th came and there it was sitting on my desk, my first cell phone, I started downloading apps and came across Instagram. The name sounded familiar but I had no idea the purpose for it so I downloaded it to see what the hype was about. I created an account and I was mesmerized at what I had just been introduced to, this was how I was going to get my artwork and sketches out into the world. I followed all of my role models in the fashion game, Virgil Abloh, Rick Owens, Pharell Williams, Marc Jacobs, Vera Wang and so many more. I rapidly became addicted to this app, everything I had ever wanted to see was at the tip of my fingers.

Days and Nights spent on this app liking photos, commenting under fashion posts I was in a dream. I was posting my sketches and getting a lot of likes from people I didn’t know making me feel super good about myself. I wanted to switch it up and post myself so I could try and start being more comfortable with modeling but I realized that when it came to posting myself it didn’t receive the amount of attention my sketches received. I started to question myself and my appearance. My mom calls me beautiful, when i see family members they always greet me with the same compliment “Oh My God look how big and beautiful you are”. Why wasn’t I receiving that same energy from my followers?

I started to compare myself with other girls my age, I was chubby and short nothing like these models tall and skinny with luscious straight hair. It started to affect me physically, I was not eating anymore. I learned a trick from a girl at school who said she sucks on ice cubes to limit her food intake. She was so beautiful so I took her advice. It was a struggle living in an Italian household where the food is heavy. My father yelled at me one night because I wouldn’t join them to eat dinner “GIANNA GET OVER HERE YOUR MOTHER SERVED DINNER”. I lied and said I was finishing homework assignments to just leave it in the microwave. I never really ate that food. I started losing rapid weight and I was happy with my results but I felt really shitty. I had no energy, no motivation, my grades were dropping and my clothes were not fitting anymore.

I posted myself again to finally receive the validation I was seeking but nothing the same amount of likes I had received when I was a fat pig… I felt lost, the app that I thought would take me to the next level in life was setting me back drastically. My parents didn’t realize what was happening; they just thought puberty was making me lose a couple pounds. I stopped doing what I was doing and deleted instagram. My life started to feel normal again, I was happy again.

That was 11 years ago now I run Gigi Underground, one of the most prestigious streetwear brands of the decade. I also model for my own brand and others such as Louis Vuitonn, Dior, Givenchy, etc. The moral of this short story is that you were designed in your own unique way. Sometimes your design won’t attract much attention but that’s ok, Take who you are and make it attract people. Whether it be with your talent, your personality or with your fight in changing certain situations in the world. It is all about loving yourself before you let people love you.

Goodbye… by Victor Aquino

I am sorry for causing everyone pain but you guys wouldn’t understand the way I’m feeling. I think this is the best thing I can do. I just can’t keep fighting this pain and sadness. Maddy, I am truly sorry for leaving you so early in our journey. I love you so much I truly wish you the best. I know that you will endure the pain I am causing you because you are the strongest person I know. Know that just because I will no longer be here, doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish your dreams. I know we were supposed to do so together but, I know you will succeed in life. You have these eyes of fierceness and determination, something I lacked. Remember all the memories we have and never forget I will be watching you and guiding you. To my family, I am sorry for all that I have put you through. Know that it was not your fault, there was nothing anyone could possibly do. You guys all loved me and for that I am thankful. To my Michael, I love you, but I couldn’t fight anymore. I’m in a deep hole of nothingness, it’s like I’m numb. This dark dark feeling invaded my mind and heart. Please move on, I hope you find the happiness you deserve. I have seen the way you look at Maddy

and I never mind it. Now that I’m gone you too will only have each other. I was never mad or upset about it. I always thought you two matched more than you and I ever did. If you two ever get together just know you have my approval. I don’t want to make this letter too long. I just don’t want the people I care about thinking that they had anything to do with my decision. I love you all and I hope this letter lightens the weight off your shoulders when you hear the news of what I did.

Sincerely, Izzy.”